fears come in all shapes and sizes

so, day 2 of my 30 day assignment is to describe 3 legitimate fears i have and why they became fears, so here goes:

1. if anyone knows me at all, you know this is my number 1 fear in life.  i am absolutely terrified that someone is going to break into my house, so much so that i must sleep with all doors closed and with something in front of them.  so the item of choice right now, is a step stool that fits perfectly under the door knob and if someone were to try and open it, they wouldn't be able to easily walk into my bedroom at night.  in addition, the jewelry amoire is also beside of that, so i have at least provided a bit of a challenge for the person, in my head.  now, if there is a fire, this girl is jumping straight out of the window of my second floor bedroom, and i could careless if i have another broken bone to add to the list:)  i've thought this through quite thoroughly.  i wish i could tell you where this fear came from, but all i can say is that i have had all my life.  i grew up in my small hometown on a street that wasn't necessarily the safest, so maybe part of it came from there, but all in all, i think it is just one of those crazy irrational fears that i was born with.  my mother thinks i am "silly," but the best part is that my sister is the same way.  somehow i am comforted in knowing that i am not the only one like this.  i remember kendall and i would always want to sleep in the same room, even though we had separate rooms, because we would be scared, haha.  my mother said, we could go to bed in separate rooms, but when she would come get us up in the morning, we would have gotten up in the middle of the night, and got in one or the other's beds.  a lot of times, i have to pray that God would protect my house or put an imaginary bubble around me or i will read a passage from the Bible to calm my nerves so i can sleep.  also, i have been known to play music to be able to sleep.  also, all of my friends know that i have to have my turbo fan going and my sound machine on.  bottom line::  i don't want to hear the person, haha.

2. God is definitely working on this one, so it isn't so much a fear anymore, because i trust his plan and as i mentioned yesterday, my life will not be over.  i sometimes do fear that i will not get married and have children.  my greatest heart's desire is to be a wife and a mom.  i know God has called me to be a wife and a mom, but it has not been in His timing yet.  i completely trust His plan, but a lot of times i find myself fearful and doubting it, as i get older.  the past few months i have come to a place of having such peace about this, because i don't want to be sad, lonely, and bitter about it.  i want to live a life full of His great love and share it with others.  i don't want people to see my life and think, she was so sad because she isn't/wasn't married.  i want people to see that I was doing what God called me to do.  after all, we only get one life, so I don't want to waste mine in self pity!

3. i do have a fear of failure.  i think early on in my childhood, i knew that i wanted to succeed and make something of myself, and i have worked very hard to get where i am today.  i just started a new job, and i am terrified that i am going to fail, but know that if i work hard and give 110% that i will be fine.  God has also been working on this area of my life, because no one is going to care what i did as my career at the end of my life.  i know that i need to be focusing on the more important things in life, like helping others in need, giving back, etc.