Tuesday, May 29, 2012

day 10:: most embarrassing moment

this is really quite easy for me... all of my college friends know this one all to well.  so, i am bit clumsy and fall rather easily.  i was in a hurry to go meet my friend beth my senior year of college so we could go pass our swim test, and i fell in the middle of the pit (the middle of campus, basically the most central location where the most people are located)... now when i say i fell, i mean, i dropped my bag that had all of the books, wallet, keys, everything and it scattered all down the four or five steps, my knees started bleeding, and it hurt.  to say i was mortified, would be an understatement.  most of the athletes would sit on this wall near the dining hall, and they were all dying laughing at me, which only made the whole situation worse.  i managed to get up and find all of my belongings and then i find beth in the student store.  she continues my embarrassment by laughing at me (gotta love her), and then when we finally get to the pool, they tell me i can't take the test because i have blood running down my leg.  i wanted to crawl under a table.  we finally got it to stop bleeding and they let me jump in the pool to pass my text, seriously one of the most, if not the most, embarrassing thing of my life. 

day 9 continued, a week late

sorry this is about a week overdue, but i was in training all week last week for my new job and it was busy.  i have listed the first five, here are my last five (these were in no particular order)

6. my dad - if you could hear my dad tell his story, i am pretty sure, you would just sit there with your jaw on the floor, but in the end you would have the biggest smile on your face, because he is a great man of God who has the biggest heart i have ever seen.  seriously, he would literally give the shirt off of his back and i can't think of anything he would not do for people.  i think this is definitely his best quality and i know i got my servant's heart from him.  it would be so awesome if we could do a mission trip together, one day!!!  when i was seven, my mom and step-dad (this is who i am talking about here, by the way) got married, and i know that i was not the easiest seven year old to take on.  i could write a small novel about the hardships he faced, but i will give you a brief summary::  he had to move out of his home or left his home with his biological mother (his biological father died before he was born i think) and he was graciously taken in by a sweet, Christian lady who had quite a few kids herself (Granny Finger is all I knew as), he dropped out of school after the eighth grade to work, so he actually never learned to read past a middle school level, and i know there are many other things... the point is, he never let any of this stop him, he learned to read when i was 14 years old, he started his own business as a painter/pressure washer and stains cabinets and while there may be slower times in this economy, he is successful, he has provided everything that he and my mom could for my sister and me, and for that i can never say thank you enough, he has loved my mom the way the Bible says.  seriously, one of the most amazing men i have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and the best part, God chose to make him my dad:) 

7. connie and darren turner, stuart and sherry mullen, cindy and mitch cline, david and edie carpenter, and many others - younger, Christian couples at BCBC from when i was younger.  seeing these couples portray what a Godly couple or Christian marriage looks like was a great example to a very young and impressionable girl.  in a day or world where divorce is so prevalent and people do it all the time, it was very encouraging to see these couples and many others making it work and truly in love and putting God in the center of their marriages.

8. momaw and popaw abby - my grandmother's parents... momaw abby was the best, most hilarious women and popaw abby had a true heart of gold and laughed all the time.  they loved each other and respected each other. 

9. momaw saine - she was such a woman of God; everyone looked up to her.  one of the most spiritually wise people ever.  you should hear what people had to say about her.  she sent all of us birthday cards on our birthdays with a bible verse.  she journaled and prayed for our family so diligently.

10. the beams - their family has been dealt quite a few blows with cancer and they have handled this with great faith and they are have not let this dampen their spirit.  hayley had thyroid cancer, frankie (the mom) had breast cancer, her sister patricia had cancer and unfortunately passed away from it, holly (hayley's twin) had a thyroid and breast cancer scare, but PTL all was clear, alisa (their older sister) had a thyroid scare recently, frankie's mother had breast cancer, johnathan, their brother had colon cancer at like 25, i am sure there is more, but they have rallied together and love each other that much more.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

day 9: 10 people who have influenced me

warning::  this could get a bit long-winded and i may break this into two days!

1. lindsey jo - this girl is my rock!  my best friend since elementary school, we won't talk about specific grades, because someone didn't invite me to a party or two so i like to give her a hard time, i kid, i kid.  lindsey is so solid in her faith, never turned her back on God, always stood firm on who she was and didn't care and doesn't care what others think of her stance/beliefs/views.  i was the polar opposite when we went off to college and wanted all to like me and wanted nothing more than to fit in, but lindsey would just pray for me and read everything she could get her little hands on to me in our college dorm, haha.  we are definitely more like sisters, fighting lots at times, but now i have such a deep respect and love for her.  i don't know where i would be without her.  i look up to her, even though she is 9 months younger than me and probably 5 inches shorter than me, haha.  she is one of the most spiritually wise people i know.  i know that God blesses us and puts spirtually wise council in our lives for a reason, and without a doubt she is one of those people.  i love that she knows me well enough to know how to responsd/react to my craziness/insanity and still loves me just the same!  lindsey jo is the definition of a best friend and i don't know what i would without her.  love her more than she will probably ever know.

2. crystal elizabeth - i'll stick with the middle name thing!  crystal has been my best friend for the longest.  we have been friends since the sandbox in kindergarden.  crystal has influenced my life in many different ways, but mostly because she is very loyal, and also the definition of a best friend.  it doesn't matter what i do, what decision i make, i know that she is going to be there for me... she will be there to celebrate with me, to wipe my tears, or to work through whatever mess i have gotten myself into.  i also love that we may not see each other once a week or everyday like we once did, but when we do, we just pick right back up.  most of the time, we don't need an agenda, we just enjoy catching up and i love that.  when i am around her, i just have this overwhelming since of comfort and know that i accepted for me, and you can't find that just anywhere! i love her so much, and tell her and lindsey often that they are both more like sisters to me.

3. my grandmother - she is talked about quite often on here, if you haven't gathered what an impact she made on my life, go back and flip through just a few posts and you will see.  this woman helped mold and shape me into the woman i am today.  i am so much like her, it is not even funny.  i am getting to my mother's influence, but we all joke about how i am so different than my mother, but without my grandmother having my mother, there would be no me.  my grandmother was a worrier (check, i got that gene), she was so caring (i consider myself caring), she loved to shop (she passed that right on to me and skipped my mother, haha), she loved to be around people (not an introvert here), she loved working (me too), and wanted to do for others (she always cooked pintos and cornbread anytime she knew i was coming her way) - i did not get this cooking thing she had going on, haha.  i can only hope/wish to be half of wife/mother/grandmother she was one day.  i am telling you, if you didn't meet her, i am sorry.  she was simply AMAZING:)

4. my mother - well, i wouldn't be here without her, so has greatly influenced the woman i am from the time i was a newborn til now nearly 30 years later:)  my mom is very set in her ways, has a routine for every day of her life, but she is a great mom.  she raised my sister and me to be great women of God, to always put God first, to work hard for everything in life, and she gave me my dramatic side to life, the little bit of my adventurous side i have, and made me quite sassy and opinionated:)  ever since my grandmother passed away, she has stepped into the role of being like the glue that holds our family together.  she takes care of my grandfather, her father, with such compassion... i know she has passed this on to me, and i hope that one day i will take care of my parents in this same loving way.   my mother is also very spiritually wise, and i love that i can call her when i have a question regarding something i am studying.  she loves to read and unfortunately she didn't pass this to kendall or me, haha.  my mother overcame a lot in her life and God used her story to become a pillar in the church, a woman of great faith, a loving Christian mom, and she really is quite entertaining/funny:)  i am so blessed to have her as my mother!

5. kasey dawn - i met kasey when i moved to charlotte, and there is no doubt that God knew what he was doing!  kasey is my best friend from charlotte, and she is about to move to dallas.  i am pretty sure, i am somewhat in denial about the big move/transition that is about to occur, but i am SO happy for her.  she is pursuing what God has called her to do.  kasey has influenced my life a lot in the last few years.  she is the friend that isn't afraid to say the things that you need to hear, she loves you so much that she says these things; this is something that i truly admire/love about her.  also, there isn't a time when she doesn't back it up with scripture.  her support, love, encouragement, and friendship has been such a blessing in my life and words cannot really say how miss i will miss her.  kasey is always there for me, we hang out a lot and most of the time don't need a plan, we just meet up for dinner, run to target, grab a movie, whatever, and i will miss her so much, but as i said before, am so excited for her and the next chapter in her life.  i can't wait to visit her in dallas:)

i'll post the other five tomorrow:)

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

day 8: 5 passions i have

a lot of my passions are centered around helping others and children, but here goes:)

1. pediatric oncology/sick children - a lot of people think this is a weird/morbid one, but i have a heart to help children when they are not feeling well.  specifically doing anything i can to help children who have cancer is a passion of mine, and i mentioned it on a previous post about my dream job.  i volunteer with make a wish, which is a great way for me to pursue a passion because at this time i cannot work in it.  my friend kasey said to me at one time, not everyone gets to work in their passion, and that has given me a lot of peace and patience over the years about this.  seriously, when i get to tell a wish kid that their wish is coming true, there is nothing like it.  it is AWESOME.  i would really like to volunteer at campcare, but i just haven't been able to get in touch with the right people, but maybe next year.

2. helping children in need/other countries - i've been to Haiti once, and i am going back in July of this year.  seriously, seeing these children who desperately want someone on this earth to love them, to feed them, and care for them will capture/steal your heart forever.  i wish more than anything, i could have just taken jazmine back with me after our first trip.  i will say, my frist trip there was a lot of fear on my part, of their diseases/germs/unknown things, but i know that my God will take away that fear this time and that I will be able to love on them and have a lot more fun the second time around.  my friend lindsey has a heart for an orphanage that she spent a year at in nairobi, kenya (well a village about four hours outside of there) and one day, i would love to go with her, so i am not limited to where i want to go, wherever God wants me to go.  i just want to share God's love.  i know that one of my gifts is loving on children, so wherever HE leads, I will follow:)

3.  doing things for others/serving - i love sending a card, getting a care package together, organizing a meal be sent or something of that nature to someone who is going through a challenging/difficult time.  i don't say this to sing my own praises, but i truly do just love doing things for others.  i know that my love language that i give to others is giving gifts and being thoughtful.  i hope my future husband is okay with this:)  i also love serving with my small group or any group/friends, etc.  whether it be a soup kitchen, a fundraiser, painting/light construction... i really do enjoy giving back!

to be continued... i can only think of three things, right now, haha:)

Sunday, May 13, 2012

a gift to mom's:: toddler edition

so, every sunday i work in the toddler room with quite possibly the cutest, most lively bunch of 1-3 year olds in the charlotte/matthews area.  in this season of life, where God is teaching me so much about being patient, waiting on His perfect plan, and reminding me that it is not quite time for me to be a wife/mom, i absolutely love to serve in the toddler room every sunday.  you never know what a typical sunday may look like, and i love it.  i love when the parents drop them off and they recognize me, which is probably comforting to the parents and the kids are so much more likely to come and we don't have to deal with as much crying.  i love all of our victory dances and successes with potty training and how cute the kids are when their parent's come back and they get to tell their parent's that they pee peed in the potty.  i love how they so politely ask for "the two monkeys story."  of course, we can read it for the 200th time:)  i love how we dance around to our songs to bubbles.  i also love how bubbles can fix anything!  i love how goldfish is our only five minutes of quiet for the entire hour and fifteen minutes, haha.  a lot of the kids have been in the class for a while, so i have really gotten to see them learn to talk more, and the biggest time i can see this is during our bible story time.  it is so precious to see them answer when we say, "Who loves you?"  most will always reply, "Jesus."  some will say, "mommy and daddy," but hey you can't blame them, they aren't wrong, haha.  these kids seriously remind me that God has a plan and that i know i am serving him by giving the parents a break for an hour or so.  a lot of people think serving every sunday is a lot, but i actually hate missing a sunday.  i love getting to see the kids every sunday and just having fun with them.  i love calling new charlotte my church home, and knowing that there is a need for me to serve my precious Savior by loving on the toddlers every week:)  i know that a parent's role is so much more important, but i also know that what you learn at church is also very important, so i hope that something in their little toddler minds is taken with them and that their hearts are growing for Christ daily:)  so today, on mother's day, i just wanted to say how much i enjoy giving mom's a break; happy mother's day to all the toddler moms!!!  you women do it day in and day out, yall are all amazing women and i hope you feel very celebrated and special today.  also, i hope you get some time to relax:)

day 7: what is your dream job

a lot of people probably think (if they have known me a long time) that i work in the field of my dream job, but the truth is, i don't.  ten years ago, this was it or very close to it.  now, let me first start by saying that i am so INCREDIBLY blessed, and really do enjoy my job, but if i could go back and have a dream job, it would not be in clinical drug research.  i think anyone who knows me, knows that i absolutely love kids.  i always have, and i know that God has called me to be a mom.  until His perfect timing is revealed, i will serve and volunteer with children and enjoy every single minute of it.  in fact, i will continue doing so after i become a mom:) 

a little background... remember those st. jude commercials when we were younger that had the children with marlo thomas, the daughter of the founder of st. jude, yeah i used to get so wrapped up in those commercials and start crying and crying.  i wanted to go visit or play with those kids, but never even knew where st. jude was.  my first year after graduating college, i worked in the oncology pharmacy making investigational chemotherapy for patients, which happened to be located on the pediatric floor of the oncology division at unc hospitals.  this is where a special interest in pediatric oncology developed.  in addition, i had a friend, patrick,  who had started volunteering with his girlfiend at the time, now wife, caroline for make a wish as a wish granter.  they would travel to wish children's homes and find out what there one wish would be.  i thought this was just such an awesome thing that they were doing, and knew i needed to get involved.  i tried to get involved in raleigh, but was also going to be moving to charlotte soon, so the timing just didn't work out.  after a few years with my company and move to charlotte, i finally started volunteering with make a wish.  i even, asked my best friend, holly, to come along and now she is very involved and loves it as well!!! 

so, back to the point of the original question in this post... my dream job.  if i could have any job, it would be a nurse in pediatric oncology.  i know to some this sounds terribly depressing, but the truth is, i would love to get up in the mornings and go work with children, to love on them, to spread God's hope and love with them (in what capacity i could), to make them feel just a little better, to give their parent's a break even just for a minute, to make a difference in the mean world of cancer.  i have thought a lot about going back to school for this, but at this time, i know God wants me where I am at.  maybe one day this dream will come true, but for now, i will continue to thank God for amazing job that i have now and the difference it is making. 

i'll continue to pursue this God given passion by volunteering, and who knows what the future holds:)

Saturday, May 12, 2012

day 6: the HARDEST thing I've ever had to experience

well, i would first start out by saying that when looking back at my life, I can see God's protection and blessings all throughout, but the hardest thing for me would definitely be May 11-12, 2009.  a few weeks before, lindsey had just returned from a year in Africa, so i was on cloud nine having my best friend back in the states, then we celebrated mother's day, like all other traditions with my family (don't ever take these for granted).  i wake up on monday morning with a call from my mother telling me that my grandmother (whom i called "mom") was heading to the emergency room with severe stomach pain and wondered if i could meet my grandfather there with my grandmother.  i packed up my computer for work and headed there.  i am sure i have probably talked about this on my blog, but here goes.

after a day at the hospital, a few tests, the doctor in the ER, basically came in (while i had to leave to take a teleconference for work) to say that she was free to go home that she was just constipated. my grandmother looked as if she was about 5 months pregnant at this point.  i arrived back at the ER to see my grandmother wheeling the car around to get her, saying, "we've been sent home."  i wasn't 100% comfortable with this, but trusted that the doctor's new what they were doing.  they sent her home with magnesium citrate and said she should be better in the morning. after getting back to her house, she continued to be in pain, more sweating and discomfort, but didn't want to go back to the ER.  we were giving her the mag. citrate as instructed.  i had a work trip to memphis at 6 am the next morning, so she kept telling me to go on, she'd be fine.  around 6 pm that evening (on the 11th), she told me to go home and get ready for my trip.  i kissed her and told her i loved her, she said, "be careful, love you and call me when you land."  i think i could start crying now.

i got home, set my alarm for my trip, which was way to early anyway for this girl, but instead of waking up to my alarm, i woke up to my phone ringing at 3:13 am to the WORST phone call of my life.  it was my grandfather telling me that grandmother was dying.  i misunderstood him to say that she was dying, and immediately called my mother and said, please get out there NOW.  i live at least 45 minutes away, and i don't think my mother understood the urgency (she knows i am a bit dramatic at times), so she was like, okay, we will head out there.  i call back a few minutes later, in hysterics, and she is like, i am getting dressed, brushing my teeth, etc... i start freaking out, thinking, nobody cares what your breath smells like, and i tell her to call out there.  when she calls, this is when my grandfather clears up my 3:13 am confusion and tells my mother, the worst news of our lives, she isn't dying, she is gone.  [ we now know that my grandfather meant to call my mother first, but he accidentally called me first.] if my mother had known or heard from my grandfather first, she would have been in 0.5 second, no question.  my dad called me back and all i could hear was my mother screaming and hitting the floor, and that made it ten times worse.  as close as i was to my grandmother, this was my own mother's mother.  i cannot even imagine the pain she must have been feeling.  i literally felt as if someone had taken my breath away.  i was shocked.  i thought how will we go on without her.  i knew i was in no condition to drive.  the only two people in the world that i knew could comfort me were crystal and lindsey.  lindsey had just returned from africa, so she was actually in new york seeing her brother and sister in law and nieces and nephews.  i called crystal's house at 3 something in the morning and she immediately came to get me.  i am not sure i will ever be able to thank her enough for that, but i would have done the same for her and still would.  she knew how close i was to mom, so when she got to my house, i had never been so thankful to see someone who understood.  she lost her grandfather that she was VERY close to our senior year of high school.  the next week of my life was somewhat a blur, but i do remember grabbing my Bible while packing a few things to go to lincolnton.  i remember thinking, only God is going to be able to get me through this.  we aren't 100% sure what she passed away of, but from the little we do know, we think it was a GI bleed.  we are pretty certain that the doctor missed a blockage.  regardless, i have had to come to terms with a lot of this, as i had tremendous guilt for a while in thinking that if i hadn't left for that teleconference, i could have asked the questions (after all i look at medical records all day long for my job).  in the end, i had to trust that this was God's will and that He wanted her in Heaven more than He wanted her here on earth.  the truth is, she lived a full life, a great life here.  at funeral it was made abundantly clear the impact she had on others.  so many people came up to us and told us of the example of a Godly, loving, caring, compassionate, women she portrayed and it comforted me to know that her time on this earth was done.  i feel certain that when she got to the pearly gates of Heaven, our Father in Heaven welcomed her by saying, Well done, Good and Faithful Servant.  i also know that momaw and popaw abby (her parents, my great grandparents) were probably jumping and cheering, she was their only child.

ironically, i am posting this on the third year mark, since we lost her.  i miss her so much.  there is so much i want to tell her.  i wish i could just pick up that phone and tell her all about what is going on.  i would tell her all about my haiti mission trip (and she would be supportive but worry about my safety more than moma, haha), i wish i could tell her about all the foods i now eat that she never thought would happen... she loved avocados and now they are one of my favorite foods, i wish i could tell her about the dates i have been on (she would be excited, but would offer her opinion too, and i would love to hear it), i wish i could tell her about my promotion at work, she would love that she wouldn't have to worry about all my travel, and would gladly tell everyone at magic all about it, and i wish i could tell her just one more time how much i love her.  i know she is in a better place.  i know that her toes are no longer curled/crossing over one another, i know that she doesn't have to go to the tanning bed (she is perfect just the way she is), i know that she can eat things with seeds and not have to worry about her stomach bothering her, and i also know that she is getting to be a great grandmother in Heaven, for the precious and sweet baby that my sister lost this week.

i cannot wait until we meet again in Heaven:)  i love you, MOM and i know Pop and everyone misses you just as much as I do.  "love your favorite granddaughter:) " - i kid, i kid!

Friday, May 11, 2012

day 5: 5 things that make you HAPPY

in no particular order, here are 5 things that make me happy...

1. time with my friends.  this is going to be a year full of change, but i am so excited for my friends:)  there is nothing that makes me happier than spending quality time with my friends.  it doesn't matter if we are just cooking dinner, watching a movie, going to target, laying out by the pool, heading out of town, anything, i am most happy when i am surrounded by the people in my life that God has chosen to bless me with.  my friends are my rocks, don't know what i would do without them. 

2. country music.  i absolutely love to turn country music on really loud and just dance around my house, listen to it while i drive, or go to a country concert.  something about it just makes me carefree, happy, and relax.  turn on a little jason aldean, chris young, luke bryan, carrie underwood, or so many others, and i am seriously in my happy place. 

3. a good class at the gym.... so i have been somewhat out of the loop on working out, but this week i have gotten back into my routine.  i forgot how much i love the classes and the way it makes me feel afterward.  i do enjoy working out and the soreness that follows!  i actually want someone yelling at me telling me what to do to get good results! 

4. worship time at new charlotte (i would say this is more joy/closeness with God)... no matter what else is going on in my life, i love singing/worshiping God.  it is like for that 20 minutes or so, nothing else matters, the world behind me stops, and i love that!  i think so many times, we all get caught up in the chaos of how busy our lives are, so this is another one of my happy times.  sometimes i think i would do just fine with a full gospel choir 24:7, i like to dance!!!  seriously, love it!

5. doing things i truly enjoy like scrapbooking, crocheting, organizing, etc... i think for many years, i wanted so much to fit in and do what everyone else was doing and not what kelsey wanted to do.  when i actually stop and do what i want to do, even if it is by myself, i am so happy.  i think we all have different interests and recognizing this has been huge for me.  let's face it, i will never be the spokesperson for outdoor world, but i can appreciate a good walk outside, a good hike every now and then, camping occasionally, but there lots of things inside that i also enjoy, and that is okay, that is what makes me ME:) 

Thursday, May 10, 2012

day 4: 10 things you would say to your 16 year old self

this one could be fun, but here goes:)

1. quit trying to fit in and do what all the popular kids are doing.  just be who God created you to be:)

2. quit begging your parents to go to yesterdays... you can have fun other places.

3. don't ditch your best friends and turn on them just because new friends want to hang out. 

4. quit being a picky eater::  learn to eat healthier, NOW!!!

5. enjoy high school, it is fun, life is so much easier, and the real world is brutal.

6. enjoy the innocence of being 16, in youth group, in Lincolnton, and don't take it for granted.

7. spend more time with your grandmother, she will be gone one day.

8. be more kind to your parents who provided you with all that they could have, especially when it came to cars ( i gave them Hell about this one).... i see now how hard they worked to give me the very best that they could and i was very unappreciative.

9. enjoy having someone wait on your hand and foot, haha... haven't had that in almost 12 years and not going to lie, i kind of miss moma making us breakfast or having someone bring something when i am sick.

10. last, but probably most important, STAY AWAY FROM JOSH PRICE. he is not worth it and is making you form opinions about your self worth... don't let him shape your opinion of yourself.  there are other guys out there, he isn't the only one.

day 3: describe my relationship with my parents

mi madre ~  well, let's see.  i am pretty close to my dear mother.  my mother and i have some similar qualities, but for the most part we are pretty different and i love that.  i talk to my mother almost every day, if i don't i get a nice text that says, "haven't heard from you since _____ day, you ok?" it is funny, i'd like to say i get annoyed, but truthfully, if she didn't check in, i'd probably be upset with her.  a lot of times, i just need to vent/tell someone about my day, she is not a talker, but sure is a great listener and i remind her a lot that she brought me into this world, so she has no choice but to listen to my completely, long-winded, drawn out stories, haha.  my mother is extremely loyal, very caring, loves deeply, and would do anything for her family.  she is always encouraging me, praying for me, and cries/laughs with me!  she didn't plan on having kids, but God had other plans, and for that, i'm very thankful:)

mi padre ~ this is a good one!  my dad, is actually my step-dad... who stepped into my life when i was seven years old.  at seven, i was less than thrilled about this transition, but at 29, i can't imagine my without him.  i have been so blessed that 22 years ago, God decided to choose him as my dad.  i have a great relationship with my dad.  first of all, being 29 is not married, he is my go to handy man... i know he will be more than thrilled when i get married to be relieved of this duty, but i like the fact that it gives him or sometimes both of my parents a reason to come visit.  a lot of times, my dad and i will just call each other up and discuss different things, and i love these convos.  it is like we see eye to eye a lot, and maybe my mom and sister see eye to eye a lot... and i am completely okay with that.  my dad is the most generous man on the planet, i mean, literally, he would give the shirt off of his back to someone who needed it; i love that about him, and know that my heart to give back definitely came from him:) 

i am so blessed, fortunate and thankful to have to wonderful, loving, Christian parents who raised me.  i am so glad that i live close enough that i can go visit them when i want and they can make the big trip to the thriving metropolis of Charlotte:) 

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

fears come in all shapes and sizes

so, day 2 of my 30 day assignment is to describe 3 legitimate fears i have and why they became fears, so here goes:

1. if anyone knows me at all, you know this is my number 1 fear in life.  i am absolutely terrified that someone is going to break into my house, so much so that i must sleep with all doors closed and with something in front of them.  so the item of choice right now, is a step stool that fits perfectly under the door knob and if someone were to try and open it, they wouldn't be able to easily walk into my bedroom at night.  in addition, the jewelry amoire is also beside of that, so i have at least provided a bit of a challenge for the person, in my head.  now, if there is a fire, this girl is jumping straight out of the window of my second floor bedroom, and i could careless if i have another broken bone to add to the list:)  i've thought this through quite thoroughly.  i wish i could tell you where this fear came from, but all i can say is that i have had all my life.  i grew up in my small hometown on a street that wasn't necessarily the safest, so maybe part of it came from there, but all in all, i think it is just one of those crazy irrational fears that i was born with.  my mother thinks i am "silly," but the best part is that my sister is the same way.  somehow i am comforted in knowing that i am not the only one like this.  i remember kendall and i would always want to sleep in the same room, even though we had separate rooms, because we would be scared, haha.  my mother said, we could go to bed in separate rooms, but when she would come get us up in the morning, we would have gotten up in the middle of the night, and got in one or the other's beds.  a lot of times, i have to pray that God would protect my house or put an imaginary bubble around me or i will read a passage from the Bible to calm my nerves so i can sleep.  also, i have been known to play music to be able to sleep.  also, all of my friends know that i have to have my turbo fan going and my sound machine on.  bottom line::  i don't want to hear the person, haha.

2. God is definitely working on this one, so it isn't so much a fear anymore, because i trust his plan and as i mentioned yesterday, my life will not be over.  i sometimes do fear that i will not get married and have children.  my greatest heart's desire is to be a wife and a mom.  i know God has called me to be a wife and a mom, but it has not been in His timing yet.  i completely trust His plan, but a lot of times i find myself fearful and doubting it, as i get older.  the past few months i have come to a place of having such peace about this, because i don't want to be sad, lonely, and bitter about it.  i want to live a life full of His great love and share it with others.  i don't want people to see my life and think, she was so sad because she isn't/wasn't married.  i want people to see that I was doing what God called me to do.  after all, we only get one life, so I don't want to waste mine in self pity!

3. i do have a fear of failure.  i think early on in my childhood, i knew that i wanted to succeed and make something of myself, and i have worked very hard to get where i am today.  i just started a new job, and i am terrified that i am going to fail, but know that if i work hard and give 110% that i will be fine.  God has also been working on this area of my life, because no one is going to care what i did as my career at the end of my life.  i know that i need to be focusing on the more important things in life, like helping others in need, giving back, etc.

Monday, May 7, 2012

20 random facts about kelsey rae

So, I saw this on a friend's blog and thought this would be a good way to keep me blogging for the next 30 days::  30 posts in 30 days (the topics are already chosen for me).  I'll also blog about other things along the way, as I started my new job today and my work life will not be as chaotic, not as much traveling for this girl! 

So, the first day's assignment is 20 random facts about me, i don't think this should be hard, as I am pretty random and have quirks about me, so here's goes!

1. i am absolutely terrified that someone is going to break in my house, so i actually sleep better in hotels (something about feeling more secure)

2. i absolutely love avacados and think that i could try to put it on everything (hamburgers are the best)

3. i cannot go to sleep with dirty dishes in the sink

4. i love to do things for other people (helping people/serving)... i work with the toddlers at my church every sunday, and it brings so much joy to my heart... this is definitely one of my spiritual gifts (encouraging/helping others)

5. i am a neat freak (somewhat obsessive compulsive about cleanliness), but i rarely make my bed

6. country music always makes me smile

7. i am still single at 29, and my world is not sad and depressing... God has blessed me with a great job and amazing friends and family... i am 100% trusting in God's plan and know that His timing is perfect.  i cannot wait to be a wife and mom, but my life is not on hold until then, i want to live life to the fullest and enjoy this precious life God has given me:)

8. i absolutely love college football and basketball.... i love watching college gameday on saturdays! 

9. i do not have an athletic bone in my body, never played a sport growing up, but i do work out (classes at the gym keep me motivated)

10. i may have every birthday card and christmas card i have ever received (a little sentimental)

11. i do not like to read, but there are a few books i really have loved (kisses from katie, redeeming love, heaven is for real)

12. two of my best friends i have had since elementary school (don't know what i would do without them)

13. i am going sky-diving next week with my mother

14. i do not wear heels (i have a morton's neuroma) and it is so very painful

15. purple is my favorite color

16. the month of december is by far, my favorite month of the whole year

17. i love cold weather and prefer it over the heat (i get excited like a small child, when it snows)

18. i used to drink regular cokes daily (way too many of them) and now i have replaced that with coffee... starbucks and this girl are way too close

19. i love organizing and decorating, real simple is definitely my favorite magazine

20. even though i have traveled quite a bit for my job in the last six years, i haven't ever been to europe and i really want to