well, i would first start out by saying that when looking back at my life, I can see God's protection and blessings all throughout, but the hardest thing for me would definitely be May 11-12, 2009. a few weeks before, lindsey had just returned from a year in Africa, so i was on cloud nine having my best friend back in the states, then we celebrated mother's day, like all other traditions with my family (don't ever take these for granted). i wake up on monday morning with a call from my mother telling me that my grandmother (whom i called "mom") was heading to the emergency room with severe stomach pain and wondered if i could meet my grandfather there with my grandmother. i packed up my computer for work and headed there. i am sure i have probably talked about this on my blog, but here goes.
after a day at the hospital, a few tests, the doctor in the ER, basically came in (while i had to leave to take a teleconference for work) to say that she was free to go home that she was just constipated. my grandmother looked as if she was about 5 months pregnant at this point. i arrived back at the ER to see my grandmother wheeling the car around to get her, saying, "we've been sent home." i wasn't 100% comfortable with this, but trusted that the doctor's new what they were doing. they sent her home with magnesium citrate and said she should be better in the morning. after getting back to her house, she continued to be in pain, more sweating and discomfort, but didn't want to go back to the ER. we were giving her the mag. citrate as instructed. i had a work trip to memphis at 6 am the next morning, so she kept telling me to go on, she'd be fine. around 6 pm that evening (on the 11th), she told me to go home and get ready for my trip. i kissed her and told her i loved her, she said, "be careful, love you and call me when you land." i think i could start crying now.
i got home, set my alarm for my trip, which was way to early anyway for this girl, but instead of waking up to my alarm, i woke up to my phone ringing at 3:13 am to the WORST phone call of my life. it was my grandfather telling me that grandmother was dying. i misunderstood him to say that she was dying, and immediately called my mother and said, please get out there NOW. i live at least 45 minutes away, and i don't think my mother understood the urgency (she knows i am a bit dramatic at times), so she was like, okay, we will head out there. i call back a few minutes later, in hysterics, and she is like, i am getting dressed, brushing my teeth, etc... i start freaking out, thinking, nobody cares what your breath smells like, and i tell her to call out there. when she calls, this is when my grandfather clears up my 3:13 am confusion and tells my mother, the worst news of our lives, she isn't dying, she is gone. [ we now know that my grandfather meant to call my mother first, but he accidentally called me first.] if my mother had known or heard from my grandfather first, she would have been in 0.5 second, no question. my dad called me back and all i could hear was my mother screaming and hitting the floor, and that made it ten times worse. as close as i was to my grandmother, this was my own mother's mother. i cannot even imagine the pain she must have been feeling. i literally felt as if someone had taken my breath away. i was shocked. i thought how will we go on without her. i knew i was in no condition to drive. the only two people in the world that i knew could comfort me were crystal and lindsey. lindsey had just returned from africa, so she was actually in new york seeing her brother and sister in law and nieces and nephews. i called crystal's house at 3 something in the morning and she immediately came to get me. i am not sure i will ever be able to thank her enough for that, but i would have done the same for her and still would. she knew how close i was to mom, so when she got to my house, i had never been so thankful to see someone who understood. she lost her grandfather that she was VERY close to our senior year of high school. the next week of my life was somewhat a blur, but i do remember grabbing my Bible while packing a few things to go to lincolnton. i remember thinking, only God is going to be able to get me through this. we aren't 100% sure what she passed away of, but from the little we do know, we think it was a GI bleed. we are pretty certain that the doctor missed a blockage. regardless, i have had to come to terms with a lot of this, as i had tremendous guilt for a while in thinking that if i hadn't left for that teleconference, i could have asked the questions (after all i look at medical records all day long for my job). in the end, i had to trust that this was God's will and that He wanted her in Heaven more than He wanted her here on earth. the truth is, she lived a full life, a great life here. at funeral it was made abundantly clear the impact she had on others. so many people came up to us and told us of the example of a Godly, loving, caring, compassionate, women she portrayed and it comforted me to know that her time on this earth was done. i feel certain that when she got to the pearly gates of Heaven, our Father in Heaven welcomed her by saying, Well done, Good and Faithful Servant. i also know that momaw and popaw abby (her parents, my great grandparents) were probably jumping and cheering, she was their only child.
ironically, i am posting this on the third year mark, since we lost her. i miss her so much. there is so much i want to tell her. i wish i could just pick up that phone and tell her all about what is going on. i would tell her all about my haiti mission trip (and she would be supportive but worry about my safety more than moma, haha), i wish i could tell her about all the foods i now eat that she never thought would happen... she loved avocados and now they are one of my favorite foods, i wish i could tell her about the dates i have been on (she would be excited, but would offer her opinion too, and i would love to hear it), i wish i could tell her about my promotion at work, she would love that she wouldn't have to worry about all my travel, and would gladly tell everyone at magic all about it, and i wish i could tell her just one more time how much i love her. i know she is in a better place. i know that her toes are no longer curled/crossing over one another, i know that she doesn't have to go to the tanning bed (she is perfect just the way she is), i know that she can eat things with seeds and not have to worry about her stomach bothering her, and i also know that she is getting to be a great grandmother in Heaven, for the precious and sweet baby that my sister lost this week.
i cannot wait until we meet again in Heaven:) i love you, MOM and i know Pop and everyone misses you just as much as I do. "love your favorite granddaughter:) " - i kid, i kid!
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