father's day

My Biological Father, Steve

so i was born on december 3, 1982 in homestead, florida to malia and steve morgan.  most of my close friends and of course my family know that my biological father was quite large (i believe around 6 foot 5 inches and rarely wore a shirt, but this was my biological father and who God chose to bring me into this world, and for that i will always be thankful.  without him, let's face it, there would be no kelsey rae in this world.  i am pretty inquisitive, and honestly always want to know more about my childhood, so i always ask my mother things, and she has always been very honest with me, and for that i am very grateful.  i am not going to share her story, that is hers to tell, but i am a huge part of her story, so what i will say is that at 27 years old, my mother did not plan on having children, but God had other plans.  she was living a life for her and doing things that she needed to stop.  she found out she was pregnant with ME and it completely changed her life!  i don't say this in a bragging manner, but i know that God had a plan for me, and that is why Psalm 139:13-14 means so much to me.  to someone who has a mother who never wanted to have children, but whose mom's life was changed for the better once she found out she was pregnant with her... i know that was all because God had a plan.  okay, back to the point of this post... (clearly, i get side tracked easily).  i do need to say one thing, even though this post is about to fathers, i have the most incredible mother, and i should have done a post about her on mother's day, next year or another day, mom!!!

when i was seven years old, my biological father passed away.  i do not have a lot of memories of him.  i have some, but not a lot.  i think at seven one is still innocent enough to not know all that goes on.  i've struggled with not knowing a lot about him.  the point of this post is not to speak negatively about him, as i have no idea how differently things would have turned out if he had lived.  one thing i always struggled with is that people would say my sister looks just like my mom and i looked like my biological father, but no one ever met him or saw him.  also, i didn't know what characteristics i got from him, and i always wanted to know... so recently i asked my mother.  she told me so many things and that was so helpful...she said he was great in math (hello, it was always my best subject), she said that he never met a stranger and could talk someone's ear off (haha, i know all of my friends are like, that is where it comes from).  you see, while i love my mother dearly, she does not talk like i do - many times when i call her on the phone at night, i often wonder if she puts the phone down and wishes i would stop telling her a story, so she can get back to her soaps or shows, that DVR box blows smoke.  this is a part of my story, luckily it hasn't affected me to much, because God provided, continue reading...

also when i was seven, my mother got re-married (she divorced my biological father when i was six) to my "step-dad," but in my eyes, he is my dad in every sense of the word.  this is what the post is all about.  i wanted to write a post about how thankful i am for my dad who has raised me since i was seven.  when they got married, i was a brat and i know it.  i would pitch an all out fit, kicking and screaming in the floor (like a toddler) - i was completely spoiled (first child and grandchild, here) if i didn't get my way, and he quickly put me in my place (THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT).    he taught me how to clean and pick up after myself, hello, my place is obessesively clean now, i may be more clean than they are now, oh yeah!  he taught me how to be appreciative for what you have and to work hard.  my dad has a story that one could never imagine, but he doesn't let it define him, he focuses on all the blessings in his life everyday and what a great example to all of his children.  more than anything though, he has been there for me, he has loved me, and been my biggest cheerleader.  i am a pretty determined person, i dream big, and HE never discouraged me, always encouraged me to keep going.  in recent years, i have had to call on them more for help with things that this single girl cannot do by herself, while i know he is getting older, he never complains! (he may just pray for that husband of mine a little more that day, ha!)  so, this weekend, on my dad's 60th birthday and on father's day, i just wanted to let him know how much i love him and how much i appreciate him:)

cannot wait to celebrate YOU!!!

thankful

so today's post is really quite simple, i have found myself being quite negative or ungrateful lately, so i am simply going to post about things i am so very thankful for.  the truth is, God has blessed me in so many ways and i need to focus on those, not on things that people may say that hurt my feelings, things i don't have, or what he hasn't blessed me with... what kind of life is that.  so, onto the point of this post.  i am so THANKFUL, GRATEFUL, and BLESSED for...

* prayerful friends
* a walk with a friend last night
* quick fit at the gym last night
* country concerts this summer
* good night's sleep on sunday (9 hours)
* five hours at the pool on saturday and catching up with friends (em, jess, and jillian)
* my haiti trip is in two weeks, woohoo
* my church
* my small group girls
* exercise in general, such a stress reliever
* my refrigerator is working after 32 days, woohoo
* my family
* grace

it really helps change your focus and perspective if you just start the day reminding yourself of all the things that you are thankful for.

mother's day

so, this post is about to get real, sometimes i use this blog as a way for me to vent, write about how i am really feeling, because i can and because one day i want to be able to look back and see what all God has done.

yesterday was mother's day, a time to celebrate mommys everywhere... making sure we praise, thank, and celebrate our moms and make sure they realize how loved they are.  i love that we have mother's day, i really do, but in all honesty, i don't like mother's day any more than i like valentine's day, but for me, mother's day is worse than valentine's day.  you see, i know without a doubt that God has called me to be a mommy.  i love kids so much, it is actually one thing i am good at, and oh my they spread so much joy.  every since i was tee tiny, i have always been a "mother hen" if you will.  as much as i've always wanted to succeed and do well professionally, multiply that by 1000 and that may skim the surface on how much i want to be a mom. 

over the years, i have really had to learn how to trust what God's plan is, as many days i don't understand.  how is it that i have a desire that is so deep and yet there is nothing i can do to control this.  i promise, i don't harp on this 24:7, but i do tend to write about it a lot, as this is an outlet or avenue for me. 

i have been so busy lately celebrating everyone else, and don't get me wrong, I LOVE celebrating my friends.  i absolutely love going to their weddings, being in their weddings, sharing with them their happy moments, but if i am being completely truthful, when you stop all the celebrating, it hits you and that is what happened yesterday.  i had been on the go non-stop since last Thursday, literally non-stop, and yesterday after the mother's day celebrations i cried and cried and cried.  yesterday was a day of celebrating moms, something i want more than anything, and i just think it was a realization that i am nowhere near that, i don't even have a boyfriend, no where near getting married, and definitely no where near having children.  it just makes me so sad.  friday night we celebrated my sister graduating from her master's and then sunday we celebrated her being a first time mom... i am really not a jealous person, but goodness, i am human and i honestly just wanted to sit in the floor and pitch a fit. 

so, i talked to a few friends (which i could never thank God enough for them in my life) and i tried so very hard to thank God for all of the blessings in my life.  instead of having a pity party for 1, i tried to rally and be thankful.  i had been praying for a long time for friends in the same stage of life as me, and God has blessed me tremendously:)  i stay busy and do not have a lot of down time to sit at home and think.  i cannot even begin to talk about what a blessing is.  also, sunday mornings i work in the toddler room, seeing the same kiddos, loving on this kiddos, their infectious joy, and honestly just getting to play, have fun, and share about Jesus is one of the highlights of my week.  again, i know this is one of my gifts.  so, instead of being sad, i choose to surround myself with kids, because, well, quite simply put i love them.  also, i get to see my nephew every two weeks or so, which is such a blessing. 

one surprise blessing was a text from my 59 year old uncle kenny.  he sent a text of some beautiful flowers and wished us all a happy mother's day and said he was thinking of us because it was the anniversary of when my grandmother passed away 4 years prior.  at the end of the message, it said and happy mother's day to the future mothers... he is the only person all day that recognized that there are some of us that still want to be mommies, but that desire hasn't been fulfilled at this time.  it was SO sweet!

i keep remembering verses too, as God's word is definitely comforting and reminds me to trust and have faith.  my favorite is the following...

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

grace, even for the good girls

so, true confession:: sometimes i think to myself, "you live a pretty good life, you are a 'good girl,' so do you really need all that grace?"  no lie, pride is an ugly sin, and i have a lot of it.  God knows exactly what he is doing ALL THE TIME, so just try that one on Him and see what he does. 

about three weeks ago, i had one of those moments where God brought me to my knees and i was in awe of just how wonderful this thing called grace really is.  you see, i am a rule follower, i hate breaking rules... always have, probably always will.  when i do break the rules or do something wrong, my guilt alone is enough to destroy me.  i mean, we are talking, i hate driving the wrong way in the parking lot, ha!  well, a few weeks ago, God totally allowed something to happen in my life, that completely brought me to my knees.  i like to think that i am strong, and that i am not weak, ha.  the truth is temptation is a bad thing and we all fall short of the glory of God and the wages of sin is death.  after this event/day in my life, the following day, i was completely eaten up with guilt.  i literally wanted to crawl in a whole and really felt as though i couldn't talk to anyone.  i kept beating myself up and kept thinking that no wonder i am still single.  God is never going to bless me with a husband if i keep making stupid decisions.  you see, this mentality is so wrong.  our God, my God, doesn't think this way.  he sent his ONLY son, to die on a cross, for each and everyone of MY sins.  how am I, kelsey morgan, worthy of this i thought that day.  i kept thinking all day, how ashamed i was, but then it hit me, because HE LOVES ME.  i can never outsin HIM.  wow, if you really think about HIS love and how much he covers us in grace, it will bring you to your knees and it is powerful.  i was in my living room, on the floor, just crying out to him.  i have never felt HIS love and his grace so much in my whole life. 

all i can say is that i am a work in progress, this whole grace thing isn't easy, but i am praying daily for Him to remind me of how wonderful HE is and how great GRACE is. 

Weight Watchers Week 6

So, again I say that I have the exercising thing down and I am doing okay with the keeping track of my points, but eating out is difficult and I do that a lot.  I lost a whopping 0.6 pounds this week, but you know a loss is loss, so I am going with it:)

So far I have lost 9.6 pounds, so that means I have lost 5.8% of my body weight so far.  I just did a killer spin class and the guy beside us said that he burned 820 calories, if only I burned that many, but at least I probably burned 500-600, it was INTENSE.  on to watch the bachelor with the girls to end this monday and hoping for a big weight loss next week, still committed:)

Weight Watchers:: Week 5

I'm saying today's weigh in was by the grace of God, truly, that I lost and did not gain.  I lost a pound, not sure how at all... I decided with my friends coming into town this weekend, that I wasn't counting points.  I also got pretty sick last Wednesday and had to go to urgent care and get a few shots, so that day once I started feeling better, I treated myself to Bojangles:)  I am 100% and committed again, and I had a salad last night for dinner, so we are good now.  Only have seven more weeks of my initial committment and swimsuit time is right around the corner.  My stomach is definitely not where I want it, but I am a continual work in progress in many areas of my life, so I will still work at it and not give up:)  Quick fit was brutal this morning and tonight I will do pilates before the girls and I get together for the Bachelor.

Happy Monday!!!

Weight Watchers:: Week 4

This post is late, because I didn't want to post, but the truth is I didn't lose or gain, stayed the same.  I know there will be weeks like this, as it is hard to lose weight when you are already in your range of weight for your height.  I feel like one of those people on the biggest loser when they didn't lose and people just stare and can't believe, haha.  Truth is though, I had mexican on Valentine's day with some friends and it was freaking awesome:)  I am okay with these results and I still worked out just as hard. 

This week may not be good either, as I have my best friends from college coming to town and we are going to enjoy a girl's weekend.  In addition, I am dating and guys want to treat me to nice meals, so goodness, if I say, no to alcohol and just eat like a rabbit, they think I am weird or have an eating disorder, haha.  I will figure it out and balance, my goal is to lose 25 pounds total, so I CAN do this.