Wednesday, December 23, 2015

waiting is so very hard...

how many of us really like to wait?  i mean, let's face it... we do not like to wait at the doctor's office, in traffic, or even in the ever-so convenient drive thru, but we all have to.  it does not matter what you may be waiting on, chances are you don't like this season.  you could be waiting on a job, a clean bill of health, a child, a spouse, and so much more.  i have been really praying for God to help me do the wait well, but i promise you some days i do and some days i am a complete failure.

if you know me at all, you know my season of waiting is for a spouse and to be a mom.  two years ago for mother's day, my sweet and precious moma (i realize she taught me to spell that weird) gave me the sweetest card.  the words in this card meant more than she will ever know.  she talked about how sometimes in life things don't turn out as we planned, but that just because i wasn't technically a "mother," that did not mean i didn't mother every chance i got.  she had specific examples like the toddler room kiddos, my sister and cousins, to friends, and so many more.  it is true, i have felt since a very young age that i was called to be a mom.  i cannot tell you how much my heart longs for that, but until that time, i want to do the wait well.

there are very few people who read this, but for those that do or those that happen to see this, i hope it encourages your heart.

here are my ways of "attempting" to do the wait well...

1. surround yourself with encouraging friends and prayer warriors.  in all seriousness, i could write a small novel on this one, but it is truly the biggest blessing in my life.  no doubt, God's plan has made me single pretty much my entire adult life.  sometimes, i am truly embarrassed to say how long, but it is part of my story.  one thing that God has not held out on me though, for which i am so unbelievably thankful, is good friends.  now, i am not talking about just people to hang out with.  most of my friends go out of their way to love me so well.  this is not meant to only praise certain ones, but let me give you a few examples.  i had a good friend pray for me at a certain time every hour for a whole day.  all day long at work, i got emails of her prayers for me.  like really, how encouraging is that?  other friends simply send a text after a message at church, that says, was thinking of you today... they just know me so well and know that my heart needed to hear that.  just acknowledging that mother's day, family day at church, or another wedding, really may be hard for a single girl at 33.  i have a 2nd family in charlotte, that has taken me in and treats me like one of them.  i have dinner at their house on a weekly basis and just hang out for hours on end.  my love language is time, so the fact that they let me come over all the time and let me simply do life with them, means more than I could ever say.  they are truly the biggest blessing to me, and conveniently live 5 minutes from me:)  i have other friends that text in the middle of the night when they are up feeding their newborn, saying we prayed for you.  lastly, a lot of my friends, and i mean a lot, have littles... so they let me take them for fun adventures, to lunch, to games, etc.  yall, for real, my friends love me so very well.  i promise, i do not take that for granted, and i am so very thankful for each and everyone of you.

2. do things that make your heart happy and joyful.  for me, specifically, kids and their infectious joy make me so unbelievably happy.  i absolutely love being around kids, so i volunteer when i can.  i watch the toddlers at church every sunday, and it is by far one of my favorite hours of the week.  i feel so close to God when i am loving on these precious toddlers (is that even possible to say in the same sentence, "precious" toddlers, haha).  they are cute as they can be, wild as they can be, and so much fun when they start learning to talk!  another thing that makes me joyful is the country of haiti.  again, I could write a novel about Haiti.  this section is not to praise my good deeds or how much I volunteer, but I am telling yall Haiti makes my heart so happy.  I have been going now for about 5 years (crazy), and the people... I just can't... they are the highlight of every trip.  these families and people live in complete despair, but I promise you they are the most joyful.  one thing I have always taken away from these trips, is how thankful they are for what they have, not what they don't.  I mean, most of the people we meet in the villages, do not have running water, so they have to travel nearly 30 minutes one way for water.  we cannot even grasp this type of living here in America, but it is their harsh reality.  lastly, campCARE is the other place where I have found such happiness.  if you know me well, you know it is my absolute dream to go back to school to be a nurse or PA for pediatric oncology patients.  there are many factors as to why I have not taken the giant step and gone back, but mostly for financial are the questions that flood my mind (how will I go to school full time and not have a real income/salary?  do I really want to be in my mid-thirties in school to be a RN?  my prerequisites would have to be re-taken because I have been out of school too long, even though I have a BS in Biology.... and the list could go and on).  I have always found peace in knowing that God has provided so many ways for me to volunteer/serve/give back.  A few years ago, a friend told me about CampCARE.  it is a week long camp for kids that have cancer, have had cancer, and their siblings.  this camp is quite possibly my favorite week of the entire year.  I have been two years in a row, and I absolutely look forward to it so very much.  the friends I have gained and amazingly resilient kids I have met, are the biggest blessings in my life.  this is a week, where I get to do something small, but mostly have a blast with the most amazing kids.  all of these things, and so many more, help remind me that I don't need to focus on being single, but yet praise HIM that I have the opportunity to do all of these things.
3. stay close to Him and read the Word, lots.  i'll be the first to admit that I struggle sometimes to even pray for a husband or to be a mom, because I feel like a broken record.  I know God knows, and He gave me this desire, so why should I repeat myself over and over again.  I have come to realize that He wants to hear from me, wants to hear my prayers, and my desires, even though he already knows them.  He wants me to want to spend time in prayer with Him.  (one thing that has really helped me in my prayer life is my prayer board.  again, no praise to me at all, but seeing Him answer prayers that my family and friends have, is seriously such a great reminder).  I have found little devotions go a long way for me, so I love the First5 app, Jesus Today, Jesus Calling, and books on how faithful God is.  If you are struggling with the wait or timing of God's plan, please let me pray for you, grab a devotion, or join a bible study.  There are so many amazing ways God reminds us that He loves us, so dig in.

I don't claim to be an expert, and goodness my friends can tell you that I have some absolutely awful days.  Some days I handle things better than others, but some days the latest pregnancy announcement is enough to send me over the edge.  usually a good cry, you know like the ugly cry, will do a girl some good.  I wish this was not part of my story, and I wish my friends did not have to hear about it all the time, but God love them, they do.  I cannot tell you how important #1 is.  it is truly how I get through this crazy thing called life. 

I pray as the holidays are here, that if you are single that you will be reminded that you are so very LOVED.  I pray if you are struggling with the wait (for whatever it is), that you will be encouraged that His Will is always better than our plans. 

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