so, this post is about to get real, sometimes i use this blog as a way for me to vent, write about how i am really feeling, because i can and because one day i want to be able to look back and see what all God has done.
yesterday was mother's day, a time to celebrate mommys everywhere... making sure we praise, thank, and celebrate our moms and make sure they realize how loved they are. i love that we have mother's day, i really do, but in all honesty, i don't like mother's day any more than i like valentine's day, but for me, mother's day is worse than valentine's day. you see, i know without a doubt that God has called me to be a mommy. i love kids so much, it is actually one thing i am good at, and oh my they spread so much joy. every since i was tee tiny, i have always been a "mother hen" if you will. as much as i've always wanted to succeed and do well professionally, multiply that by 1000 and that may skim the surface on how much i want to be a mom.
over the years, i have really had to learn how to trust what God's plan is, as many days i don't understand. how is it that i have a desire that is so deep and yet there is nothing i can do to control this. i promise, i don't harp on this 24:7, but i do tend to write about it a lot, as this is an outlet or avenue for me.
i have been so busy lately celebrating everyone else, and don't get me wrong, I LOVE celebrating my friends. i absolutely love going to their weddings, being in their weddings, sharing with them their happy moments, but if i am being completely truthful, when you stop all the celebrating, it hits you and that is what happened yesterday. i had been on the go non-stop since last Thursday, literally non-stop, and yesterday after the mother's day celebrations i cried and cried and cried. yesterday was a day of celebrating moms, something i want more than anything, and i just think it was a realization that i am nowhere near that, i don't even have a boyfriend, no where near getting married, and definitely no where near having children. it just makes me so sad. friday night we celebrated my sister graduating from her master's and then sunday we celebrated her being a first time mom... i am really not a jealous person, but goodness, i am human and i honestly just wanted to sit in the floor and pitch a fit.
so, i talked to a few friends (which i could never thank God enough for them in my life) and i tried so very hard to thank God for all of the blessings in my life. instead of having a pity party for 1, i tried to rally and be thankful. i had been praying for a long time for friends in the same stage of life as me, and God has blessed me tremendously:) i stay busy and do not have a lot of down time to sit at home and think. i cannot even begin to talk about what a blessing is. also, sunday mornings i work in the toddler room, seeing the same kiddos, loving on this kiddos, their infectious joy, and honestly just getting to play, have fun, and share about Jesus is one of the highlights of my week. again, i know this is one of my gifts. so, instead of being sad, i choose to surround myself with kids, because, well, quite simply put i love them. also, i get to see my nephew every two weeks or so, which is such a blessing.
one surprise blessing was a text from my 59 year old uncle kenny. he sent a text of some beautiful flowers and wished us all a happy mother's day and said he was thinking of us because it was the anniversary of when my grandmother passed away 4 years prior. at the end of the message, it said and happy mother's day to the future mothers... he is the only person all day that recognized that there are some of us that still want to be mommies, but that desire hasn't been fulfilled at this time. it was SO sweet!
i keep remembering verses too, as God's word is definitely comforting and reminds me to trust and have faith. my favorite is the following...
"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
