funny how life changes

so, this will be a test as to how many people actually read this blog, which doesn't really bother me, but this news is going to shock a lot of people.  quite frankly, i still cannot believe i am strongly considering it.  i've been talking to my neighbors Cortnie and Caroline a lot recently about added a little something to my life, something that i have always been COMPLETELY against.  something i was completely, deathly afraid of until i was 19.  anyone have any guesses, well let me help you out...

a cavachon

a cockapoo

that is right, i am thinking of getting one of these cute little guys above.  i am not considering this decision overnight, it is a HUGE decision.  i am soliciting advice from my friends with dogs, like whoa.  most of them have been super supportive.  they have so much advice, so much love for their animals, and i know they would not lead me in the wrong direction.  i live by myself, have for 5 years, and i think it would be great to have a companion.  i am a responsible person and do not make decisions like this lightly. 

i want a hypoallergenic dog and one that does not shed, this is huge for my OCD/cleanliness!  these two breeds or cross breeds make the cut.  i've read a lot about these and most people have good things to say.  as with all dogs, you have no idea how they will turn out, but a lot of it is in how you train them.  this i will need help with, but i think i can do it.  originally i was thinking a yorkiepoo , maltipoo, or even a shih tzu, but i talked to friends and read about these and decided maybe not the smaller breeds.

continuing to mull this decision over, but thought i'd post on here and see if anyone has any suggestions/advice! 

how's that one for a shocking surprise on this tuesday afternoon:)

Just Like Us

As many of you know I just returned from my fourth trip to Haiti.  I have completely fallen in love with the country, the people, and most of all the precious children/orphans.  I often remember how scared, not even two years ago, I was preparing for my mission trip, and how God has taken that fear and turned it into a love Haiti relationship as Mission of Hope would say!  While many argue that short term missions do not serve the people of a third world country well, and that many times it is more of a reverse mission, I have to say that the work God is doing through Mission of Hope is working and Haiti is changing:)  All four of my trips, I feel as though I have taken home with me a different message; this trip was no different.

The way our trip was designed, we were to have two work days, two village days, and one beach/debrief day.  This is exactly how my trip in November was set up, so I was prepared for this trip and was ready to pray for people in the villages and was ready to paint some houses or do whatever type of work needed to be completed.

Monday morning, our first work day, we were told we would be doing some gardening.  Not going to lie, while I tried not to verbally express my dislike for this task at hand, I was less than thrilled.  I have no green thumb, and have never gardened a day in my life, not to mention, the soil/dirt in Haiti is rock solid, as they rarely get rain.  We were assigned to the AWESOME village of Leveque and they wanted to plant Mango and Avocado trees, so I knew it was for a good cause!  All of the 7 girls in our team of 10 tried to use the pick axe, and all had good fun with it, but even the village champions said, "You are girls, you are not strong enough."  So, most of us girls decided to hold sleeping babies/children, this girl was completely fine with Plan B.  That afternoon when we arrived back at the village, they decided that the roads needed some work, so they wanted us to go and basically move dirt around to fill in huge holes in the ground, we had another church team from Michigan join us, so again we had too many cooks in the kitchen, so to speak.  That was okay by me, most of us were still holding kids.  The MOH staff then told us they had some painting that needed to be completed in the deaf village, to which I eagerly volunteered.  Can you tell I was ready to get away from the gardening tools and road work.  We pained two houses or did touch up work, painted windows and trim, and put the second coat on the outside of the house.  Overall it was a great workday.



Susan, Dave, and Haley digging to plant Mango and Avocado trees in Leveque!



working on the windows

My dad said I was holding the brush wrong, ha.. did he look at those windows?

Lynn and Hannah working hard

 Tuesday was our first village day.  On my first mission trip with MOH in November 2012, I struggled with village time, as it is hard to walk up to people's homes/tents with a translator, knowing they are more than likely starving, not knowing where their next meal is coming from, and fully trust that God is going to provide.  That was my huge lesson and take away from my third trip.  Not allowing myself or our team in November to receive the credit or to be the fixers and to pray, trusting faithfully, and fully in that moment that God will provide for their every need.  If he cares for the birds, he cares for the people in the villages of Haiti even more!  I wanted to provide food or to give them things I had in my bag, but we were not allowed.  MOH believes that the glory should always go to God, which I understand fully support, but as Americans and coming from a first world country we think we can fix it all.  I was actually looking forward to village time this year, as I wanted to genuinely listen to their stories and pray for them.

The very first house we approached, we met a lady, Olivia.  This was my only God moment of the week.  We began talking to her via our translators.  We find out she was a Christian (not always the case, as many Haitians practice voodoo).  We find out a little more about her and then we ask if we can pray for anything specifically and she says, she would like for us to pray for her to find a husband.  That's right, you read that correctly.  Our team had decided we would each take turns praying for the people we met that day, and normally I am not the one in the group that would eagerly volunteer to be first to pray out loud, but God had different plans.  As soon as I heard Olivia's request, I turned to the other team members standing there and said, "do you all mind if I pray for her?"  Of course, my team members had no problem.  This prayer is all to familiar for me, personally, and I was so blessed to be praying this prayer for my sister in Christ in Haiti.  After I finished praying, I was completely overcome with emotion.  I had to walk away and gather myself, as I couldn't stop crying.  Here's the thing, I think so many times, we think that our lives are so completely different from others who live in third world countries, but they are not that different in terms of what our heart's desires are or what we pray for.  This was my sister in Christ, and at the end of the day, while the "material things" she has or doesn't have are different, her greatest heart's desire was the exact same as mine.  It was such a powerful reminder to me that morning in the village.  I paid attention to other requests throughout the week.  We had requests for work to continue or for jobs so the family would have food, for health (many requests for good health or for an illness to go away), and for food.  Many of us in our daily lives pray for similar things, while we may not pray for a job in the market, we may be praying for a job in Corporate America or to not be unemployed any longer.  Cancer is everywhere and sadly so many people deal with it, so many of us are asking everyday for healing.  We have better access to healthcare so maybe our requests are more specific as theirs are for general healing as they may not be able to go to the doctor to find out what is wrong.  Regardless, the message I took from this village day was that our brothers and sisters in Christ are the same no matter where you live, no matter what ethnicity, what conditions and we all have similar desires/needs, but they may look a little different.  I was so thankful that God put me in that place at that time.

God answered so many prayers while we were in Haiti.  I think a lot of times when you are on a mission trip or in a third world country, you have less distractions.  At home, we are so busy that I think we miss the answered prayers.  While in the village, one day, we prayed with a lady, Rosemita, and as she was accepting Christ, a huge wind/breeze came through.  It was like the Holy Spirit provided this powerful wind/breeze just at that time, as it was incredibly hot this afternoon.  Another great example, our last day in the villages, after digging many holes for mango and avocado trees, we prayed for rain.  We knew that it would be so crucial that these planted trees get much needed water in order to grow.  Our team prayed a beautiful prayer, but Guy specifically prayed for the much needed rain and that night it rained like I have never seen in Haiti.  So much so that while on main campus, we had a dance party in the rain, it was so much fun.  Like when do we do this at home... NEVER.  We did the Cupid Shuffle in the rain, I felt like I was a kid again.  Susan, Lynn, Hannah, Gabrielle, Haley, Michele and I were all having so fun.  At some point during the rain storm, our whole team acknowledged how awesome it was that God was answering our prayers for rain. 

Before our team joined in on the dance party, but it was so fun!  Answered prayer for RAIN:)

The whole week we spent time in Leveque.  It was so nice to spend everyday in the same village.  There were so many babies and young children in this village.  As everyone knows, I love children and especially babies!  All week, every time we would come up to a house with a baby, I was so excited to hold the baby.  The babies are so precious, so loveable (what baby isn't though), and I think my heart could literally just explode as I am holding these precious little ones.  On Wednesday night, we were sharing our only God moments with our team, and I shared my Olivia story.  I shared that it is no secret that my greatest heart's desire is to be a wife and a mom.  Hannah, Lynn's almost 12 year old daughter, on our team, perks up after we had all shared our experiences so far from the week, and she says, "Miss Kelsey, I think you are going to be a great mom one day."  I am pretty sure all the women were a little teary eyed, if not full on crying like Lynn and I were.  It was seriously one of the sweetest moments.  Hannah, if you are reading this, know that it meant so much to me and I love you so much.  All week I felt as though God was sending messages through people I either knew or had met, reminding me to be patient and wait on His timing.  Our intern for the week, Paige, says to me on our last night, "I bet your husband laughs constantly."  I informed her that I wasn't married.  She couldn't believe it.  She said, "I really thought you were married with kids.  Well, your husband is going to be so lucky and he is going to laugh a lot.  Not to mention what a great mom you will be, you are great with the kids."  This was a girl that I had only known for approximately six days.  I fought back the tears that time.  When I was finally able to post pictures, I posted a few of some of the sweet babies, one in particular that I could have stayed with her family and loved on her the rest of our trip after we met her sweet family.  Many of my friends back home were commenting and saying very sweet things about how I was going to be a great mom some day.  I am not writing this part to praise myself (not my style), but just really to give praise to God and thank him for sending messengers/friends in my life that have reminded me to be faithful and trust in his timing.

Pretty sure she is the cutest little thing, loved her:)

Lastly, my team was such a blessing this trip.  All of my teams for all of my trips have been a blessing, one isn't necessarily better than the other, but I am so thankful for this team.  I got to know more people from my church, formed close relationships with many of them, and was so thankful for how God carefully orchestrated who would be on this trip.  All the laughs, encouragement, tears, and memories were a great experience and I am thankful to have served with them!

Gabby and Hannah with Segline, such a cutie:)

One of sweetest things, Simon cutting bracelets for all the kids in Leveque!

In front of the church in Leveque

Love this shot of our team, LOVE YALL!

father's day

My Biological Father, Steve

so i was born on december 3, 1982 in homestead, florida to malia and steve morgan.  most of my close friends and of course my family know that my biological father was quite large (i believe around 6 foot 5 inches and rarely wore a shirt, but this was my biological father and who God chose to bring me into this world, and for that i will always be thankful.  without him, let's face it, there would be no kelsey rae in this world.  i am pretty inquisitive, and honestly always want to know more about my childhood, so i always ask my mother things, and she has always been very honest with me, and for that i am very grateful.  i am not going to share her story, that is hers to tell, but i am a huge part of her story, so what i will say is that at 27 years old, my mother did not plan on having children, but God had other plans.  she was living a life for her and doing things that she needed to stop.  she found out she was pregnant with ME and it completely changed her life!  i don't say this in a bragging manner, but i know that God had a plan for me, and that is why Psalm 139:13-14 means so much to me.  to someone who has a mother who never wanted to have children, but whose mom's life was changed for the better once she found out she was pregnant with her... i know that was all because God had a plan.  okay, back to the point of this post... (clearly, i get side tracked easily).  i do need to say one thing, even though this post is about to fathers, i have the most incredible mother, and i should have done a post about her on mother's day, next year or another day, mom!!!

when i was seven years old, my biological father passed away.  i do not have a lot of memories of him.  i have some, but not a lot.  i think at seven one is still innocent enough to not know all that goes on.  i've struggled with not knowing a lot about him.  the point of this post is not to speak negatively about him, as i have no idea how differently things would have turned out if he had lived.  one thing i always struggled with is that people would say my sister looks just like my mom and i looked like my biological father, but no one ever met him or saw him.  also, i didn't know what characteristics i got from him, and i always wanted to know... so recently i asked my mother.  she told me so many things and that was so helpful...she said he was great in math (hello, it was always my best subject), she said that he never met a stranger and could talk someone's ear off (haha, i know all of my friends are like, that is where it comes from).  you see, while i love my mother dearly, she does not talk like i do - many times when i call her on the phone at night, i often wonder if she puts the phone down and wishes i would stop telling her a story, so she can get back to her soaps or shows, that DVR box blows smoke.  this is a part of my story, luckily it hasn't affected me to much, because God provided, continue reading...

also when i was seven, my mother got re-married (she divorced my biological father when i was six) to my "step-dad," but in my eyes, he is my dad in every sense of the word.  this is what the post is all about.  i wanted to write a post about how thankful i am for my dad who has raised me since i was seven.  when they got married, i was a brat and i know it.  i would pitch an all out fit, kicking and screaming in the floor (like a toddler) - i was completely spoiled (first child and grandchild, here) if i didn't get my way, and he quickly put me in my place (THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT).    he taught me how to clean and pick up after myself, hello, my place is obessesively clean now, i may be more clean than they are now, oh yeah!  he taught me how to be appreciative for what you have and to work hard.  my dad has a story that one could never imagine, but he doesn't let it define him, he focuses on all the blessings in his life everyday and what a great example to all of his children.  more than anything though, he has been there for me, he has loved me, and been my biggest cheerleader.  i am a pretty determined person, i dream big, and HE never discouraged me, always encouraged me to keep going.  in recent years, i have had to call on them more for help with things that this single girl cannot do by herself, while i know he is getting older, he never complains! (he may just pray for that husband of mine a little more that day, ha!)  so, this weekend, on my dad's 60th birthday and on father's day, i just wanted to let him know how much i love him and how much i appreciate him:)

cannot wait to celebrate YOU!!!

thankful

so today's post is really quite simple, i have found myself being quite negative or ungrateful lately, so i am simply going to post about things i am so very thankful for.  the truth is, God has blessed me in so many ways and i need to focus on those, not on things that people may say that hurt my feelings, things i don't have, or what he hasn't blessed me with... what kind of life is that.  so, onto the point of this post.  i am so THANKFUL, GRATEFUL, and BLESSED for...

* prayerful friends
* a walk with a friend last night
* quick fit at the gym last night
* country concerts this summer
* good night's sleep on sunday (9 hours)
* five hours at the pool on saturday and catching up with friends (em, jess, and jillian)
* my haiti trip is in two weeks, woohoo
* my church
* my small group girls
* exercise in general, such a stress reliever
* my refrigerator is working after 32 days, woohoo
* my family
* grace

it really helps change your focus and perspective if you just start the day reminding yourself of all the things that you are thankful for.

mother's day

so, this post is about to get real, sometimes i use this blog as a way for me to vent, write about how i am really feeling, because i can and because one day i want to be able to look back and see what all God has done.

yesterday was mother's day, a time to celebrate mommys everywhere... making sure we praise, thank, and celebrate our moms and make sure they realize how loved they are.  i love that we have mother's day, i really do, but in all honesty, i don't like mother's day any more than i like valentine's day, but for me, mother's day is worse than valentine's day.  you see, i know without a doubt that God has called me to be a mommy.  i love kids so much, it is actually one thing i am good at, and oh my they spread so much joy.  every since i was tee tiny, i have always been a "mother hen" if you will.  as much as i've always wanted to succeed and do well professionally, multiply that by 1000 and that may skim the surface on how much i want to be a mom. 

over the years, i have really had to learn how to trust what God's plan is, as many days i don't understand.  how is it that i have a desire that is so deep and yet there is nothing i can do to control this.  i promise, i don't harp on this 24:7, but i do tend to write about it a lot, as this is an outlet or avenue for me. 

i have been so busy lately celebrating everyone else, and don't get me wrong, I LOVE celebrating my friends.  i absolutely love going to their weddings, being in their weddings, sharing with them their happy moments, but if i am being completely truthful, when you stop all the celebrating, it hits you and that is what happened yesterday.  i had been on the go non-stop since last Thursday, literally non-stop, and yesterday after the mother's day celebrations i cried and cried and cried.  yesterday was a day of celebrating moms, something i want more than anything, and i just think it was a realization that i am nowhere near that, i don't even have a boyfriend, no where near getting married, and definitely no where near having children.  it just makes me so sad.  friday night we celebrated my sister graduating from her master's and then sunday we celebrated her being a first time mom... i am really not a jealous person, but goodness, i am human and i honestly just wanted to sit in the floor and pitch a fit. 

so, i talked to a few friends (which i could never thank God enough for them in my life) and i tried so very hard to thank God for all of the blessings in my life.  instead of having a pity party for 1, i tried to rally and be thankful.  i had been praying for a long time for friends in the same stage of life as me, and God has blessed me tremendously:)  i stay busy and do not have a lot of down time to sit at home and think.  i cannot even begin to talk about what a blessing is.  also, sunday mornings i work in the toddler room, seeing the same kiddos, loving on this kiddos, their infectious joy, and honestly just getting to play, have fun, and share about Jesus is one of the highlights of my week.  again, i know this is one of my gifts.  so, instead of being sad, i choose to surround myself with kids, because, well, quite simply put i love them.  also, i get to see my nephew every two weeks or so, which is such a blessing. 

one surprise blessing was a text from my 59 year old uncle kenny.  he sent a text of some beautiful flowers and wished us all a happy mother's day and said he was thinking of us because it was the anniversary of when my grandmother passed away 4 years prior.  at the end of the message, it said and happy mother's day to the future mothers... he is the only person all day that recognized that there are some of us that still want to be mommies, but that desire hasn't been fulfilled at this time.  it was SO sweet!

i keep remembering verses too, as God's word is definitely comforting and reminds me to trust and have faith.  my favorite is the following...

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

grace, even for the good girls

so, true confession:: sometimes i think to myself, "you live a pretty good life, you are a 'good girl,' so do you really need all that grace?"  no lie, pride is an ugly sin, and i have a lot of it.  God knows exactly what he is doing ALL THE TIME, so just try that one on Him and see what he does. 

about three weeks ago, i had one of those moments where God brought me to my knees and i was in awe of just how wonderful this thing called grace really is.  you see, i am a rule follower, i hate breaking rules... always have, probably always will.  when i do break the rules or do something wrong, my guilt alone is enough to destroy me.  i mean, we are talking, i hate driving the wrong way in the parking lot, ha!  well, a few weeks ago, God totally allowed something to happen in my life, that completely brought me to my knees.  i like to think that i am strong, and that i am not weak, ha.  the truth is temptation is a bad thing and we all fall short of the glory of God and the wages of sin is death.  after this event/day in my life, the following day, i was completely eaten up with guilt.  i literally wanted to crawl in a whole and really felt as though i couldn't talk to anyone.  i kept beating myself up and kept thinking that no wonder i am still single.  God is never going to bless me with a husband if i keep making stupid decisions.  you see, this mentality is so wrong.  our God, my God, doesn't think this way.  he sent his ONLY son, to die on a cross, for each and everyone of MY sins.  how am I, kelsey morgan, worthy of this i thought that day.  i kept thinking all day, how ashamed i was, but then it hit me, because HE LOVES ME.  i can never outsin HIM.  wow, if you really think about HIS love and how much he covers us in grace, it will bring you to your knees and it is powerful.  i was in my living room, on the floor, just crying out to him.  i have never felt HIS love and his grace so much in my whole life. 

all i can say is that i am a work in progress, this whole grace thing isn't easy, but i am praying daily for Him to remind me of how wonderful HE is and how great GRACE is. 

Weight Watchers Week 6

So, again I say that I have the exercising thing down and I am doing okay with the keeping track of my points, but eating out is difficult and I do that a lot.  I lost a whopping 0.6 pounds this week, but you know a loss is loss, so I am going with it:)

So far I have lost 9.6 pounds, so that means I have lost 5.8% of my body weight so far.  I just did a killer spin class and the guy beside us said that he burned 820 calories, if only I burned that many, but at least I probably burned 500-600, it was INTENSE.  on to watch the bachelor with the girls to end this monday and hoping for a big weight loss next week, still committed:)